Soldier Page 10

“It’s okay. I put him up on the dryer, face to face with me, and we talked. I had to be honest with him. He... this is important to him, understanding this.” He told his story, letting Dillon know he wouldn’t have spoken to Tommy like that under other circumstances.

  “Yeah, I get it. Go on,” Dillon urged.

  “So, I explained that you are a grown man: that we like each other, and that we’re gay and we want to be together. But we can’t. Not at the house with the kids there.” Yeah, yeah, they had gotten busted... there at the house with the kids there.

  “I admitted it was my fault he caught us. I had asked you for a kiss and it got out of hand. I think he finally understands.” God, Soldier hoped so!

  “Good, that’s good." Dillon was finally relaxing the tense muscles in his neck.

  “He said what happened to him had nothing to do with being gay or not, and he didn’t care if we were queer. We’re okay with it now, but I wanted you to know.” One load off.

  “Wow. Okay. We’ll definitely have to be careful. No more kissing there. I hate that.” Dillon’s tone showed just how much he didn’t like the situation, but would learn to live with the rule. “I don’t want there to be any grounds for any kind of action against us. If word got out in a negative way that two gay guys were sheltering young boys, that would make the headlines, now, wouldn’t it?" Dillon asked, clearly trying to keep the disappointment out of his voice.

  “I bought that big bed for your room, hoping that some day I’d get to share it. Hey, if we have to, we’ll keep the suite at the hotel, or just get a room sometimes. I won’t give you up. I want you, Dillon, so, so much. You make me feel lighter, like life doesn’t suck anymore.”

  “Same here. I can’t wait to spend some sex time with you. This was great and I feel lots better, but I want it all, and I want it soon. I’m calling Daniel and seeing if he can come tomorrow after lunch, and see how long he’ll give us.” There was excitement in Dillon's voice.

  “God, wouldn’t it be nice to have all afternoon and then order room service and lounge around and be naked and happy together?” Dillon said.

  “If you want to go back in there tonight, you’d better shut up. Count me in, and tell him I’ll pay him to do it.” Soldier was picturing things himself.

  “So, you’ll pay to have sex with me?” Dillon laughed. “Kidding! Hey, you know I was joking. Hell, I’d pay to have sex with you, any day. What else you want to talk about?”

  “Money.”

  “Can’t help you there. Got none. We clean you out already?” Dillon laughed up at Soldier.

  “Never. I told you I have enough to take care of these seven boys, me and you, and probably whoever else shows up, 'til the next century. I really am rich, filthy rich. It never meant a thing to me before. But now that I can do this with it, I’m a happy man.” At last, having money made Soldier happy. He could make a difference. “I want to find out how to get this place listed as an honest to God boys shelter or home or whatever we need to make it. I want to pay you to be the director. I want you on a salary. I want you to have your own money.”

  “But it would be your money, Soldier.”

  “If you left and someone else came in to take over, I’d pay them. So? I pay you, same difference. It’ll be a fund that I’ll set up and your salary will be paid out of it. It’ll contain funds for the repairs on the house, maybe an addition back here. Hmm. What if there was an apartment back here for me? That idea has possibilities.” Soldier smiled as the comment evidently had him starting to think domestic thoughts.

  “That sounds like a good idea. Take some time, though.”

  Soldier nodded and went on with his thoughts. “I worry that someone could come and take the boys away and say this wasn’t a sanctioned home or whatever the bureaucracy could come up with. If we look into it together, we could come up with a way to make it safe for everyone.” He knew there was a way. They just had to figure it out.

  “We could work on that, together,” Dillon agreed.

  “I don’t want to just make decisions and set things up. I want this to be something we do together. Can we? Will you... with me? Just because I’m the one with the money doesn’t make me more important.” Soldier wanted to be clear on that so Dillon understood it. “You would’ve kept on without me. You’re the heart of this whole thing. Without you, it would fall apart. So, what do you say?”

  Dillon said, “It’s a lot to think about. I’ve already started working on something. Waitin’ to see if it works out. We’ll talk about it more, look into some things, talk to Daniel. It’s a good thing we don’t have close neighbors. I’ve always thought that.

  “Uh... I own the properties on both sides. You’ll never have close neighbors.”

  “Damn. You are something else.”

  “Hey, I didn’t buy it. My grandfather bought it a long time ago. But I’m so glad.”

  “We have lots to think about and plan for. We’re good right now. We can go a few days, throw a few ideas around, talk to Daniel and get some ideas on legalities. I’m glad you came along and wanted to be part of us. In more ways than one, I’m glad.” Dillon gave a wry grin.

  “Makes two of us,” Soldier added.

  “Okay, Mr. Sex on a Stick, one more kiss -- one -- and we’ll go in and be grown up about this.” Sure.

  Several kisses later, they managed to get back to the house. They walked close together, arms around each other, touching for as long as they could. When they got to the back door, they saw a shadow in the window. Soldier knew who it was. They hurried in and saw Tommy heading for the stairs. Soldier called out to him.

  “Tommy, will you come here for a minute? Please.” They stood in the kitchen and waited for Tommy to appear. He did, head down, silent.

  “You want to ask Dillon anything? Seriously, go ahead.” Soldier was speaking softly, letting Tommy know he wasn’t angry. “Now’s a good time. I gather you were waiting to see that he was okay after being outside with me. I like that you care for him so much, but I’m asking you to talk to him.”

  Tommy looked up at Dillon and simply said, “You okay?”

  “Tommy, I’m ridiculously happy. Soldier makes me happy. He has never done anything I haven’t wanted him to do. I know it’s hard for you to understand, but we like each other... a lot. Is this really going to be a problem for you?”

  “Nah. I get the being queer thing. Long as it’s what you want. I don’t want nobody hurtin’ you like... like they did me.” Tommy stopped when he realized what he’d said. His eyes went a little wild.

  “Hey. You wanna tell us about what happened to you? We’ll understand. Maybe you need to get it off your chest, maybe make you breathe a little easier. What do you think?” Soldier asked gently.

  “I... I... what if you... uh... you might not like me anymore. It was really awful and he swore that people would hate me if they knew and I’ve been so scared people would find out.” Now that Tommy had started, he couldn’t seem to stop the words.

  Soldier knew not to touch the boy, but he gestured for them to follow him into the front room. Soldier and Dillon settled on a rickety old couch and let Tommy choose where he wanted to be. The boy settled on the floor in front of them, facing them -- and his fears -- head on.

  Tommy was braver than he thought, Soldier decided.

  Tommy started again, and didn’t stop until he’d told them a horror story about the men his mother brought home and how they were allowed to use him when they wanted.

  “I begged her over and over. I cried sometimes -- a lot really. It didn’t do any good. Nothing mattered to her but making the men happy.” Tommy’s eyes filled. Soldier also noted the sneer when he said the word ‘men.’

  “I don’t know why so many of the men she was with wanted to do that to me, but it was like I was nothing to her.” Now Tommy’s head bowed and it seemed a clear indication of the way his mother had made him feel less of a person. Tommy wouldn’t face them now, his retelling of his history making him feel again that h
e was worthless.

  Soldier was so afraid of saying the wrong thing that he said nothing. He prayed for the knowledge to do and say what this young man needed.

  Tommy went on with his story. It seemed the last man was the worst. He did things to Tommy that no child, no person, should ever have to endure. Tommy was amazingly strong as he talked about the atrocities he had lived through. He shook, though. A fine tremor riddled his body as he continued. Soldier wanted to hold Tommy, calm him, find some way to ease his mind, but he felt so inadequate. Tommy told them, pretty graphically, what had been done to him and how he finally just couldn’t take it any more and ran. How he had managed to get to the shelter, he didn’t even remember. That was fraught with just as many bad memories.

  Dillon spoke up, which gave Tommy a break. Tommy watched closely as Dillon explained how he got Tommy at the house. When he’d arrived at the shelter, they sent him to Daniel, who must have realized that he was a special boy and would never make it in the foster care system. He had been too hurt, too scared, to be sent from place to place, not knowing where he was going. Daniel had arranged for him to go with Dillon and it had been days before Tommy even spoke. It had taken him months to get where he was now.

  Soldier watched Tommy as Dillon explained the situation. It didn’t seem to bother him that Dillon was discussing his life.

  Tommy sat still. It was painfully obvious that he expected the worst from his dejected stance, shoulders slumped, head down.. He looked up and his eyes widened as he stared at Soldier and Dillon, whose hands were clasped so tightly together that the knuckles were turning white. There were tears on both of their cheeks.

  Tommy looked like he didn’t know what to do.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you mad... or upset. I knew I shouldn’t tell... ever. Now you can’t stand me. I’ll leave if you want. I won’t...”

  “Tommy?” Soldier began, in a voice roughened by the tears in his throat. He'd thought Gom’s story was bad, and it was, but this young man’s bravery in getting out, and his fear of all things male, made Soldier admire him so much for living in this house and going on like he did.

  “Yeah... uh... yes, sir? I know it’s ugly to talk about. I shouldn’t have...”

  “Honey, will you sit up here between us? I promise not to touch you in any way, although I’d love to hug you and tell you what a great kid I think you are. Dillon and I both think you were brave to have lived through all that and come out as good a boy as you are. We don’t think you’re bad at all.” Soldier hoped someday Tommy would want to be touched again. He was such a super kid.

  Soldier’s voice was stronger now as he made the solemn vow, “As long as I have anything to say about it, no one will ever hurt you again. I will personally stand between you and anyone who wants to hurt you. I already promised to teach you how to defend yourself. That’s a promise. I don’t break my promises.”

  Tommy stood and took a step toward them, then another. They dropped their hands -- Soldier's were nearly numb now and Dillon's must have been, too -- and Tommy gingerly sat on the edge of the couch between them.

  Dillon turned a little to face the boy. He so clearly wanted to reach out to Tommy and give him some comfort. He didn’t seem to know what to do for those few minutes.

  “Dill?”

  “Yeah, Tommy?” Dillon answered softly.

  “Do you want me to leave? I will. I don’t want the other boys to be around me if you think... I’m... you know... dirty... or...” Tommy stopped when he heard the strange sound that Dillon made.

  “Tommy, please. Don’t even think of leaving. You are so important to our group here. You’re so special, so loving. You help with the little ones and I have come to rely on you more than I should, I know.”

  Tommy was the oldest and he naturally got relegated to helping with the little ones. Dillon had obviously thought it made the boy feel needed.

  “Now that Soldier is here, he can take on some of the things you’ve been doing, and you can go back to being just a boy. I count on you. I think you’re just a wonderful kid and nothing you’ve told me has made me think any less of you. Instead of thinking of you as dirty, I think of you as our light. Your goodness just shines and you don’t even know it.

  “I really want you to believe what I’m going to say next. It’s important. That stuff is in your past, gone, done. You’ve told us, and we still think you’re great. We think you belong here with us. Do you think maybe now you’ll be able to put it behind you a little?”

  Before Tommy could answer, Dillon spoke again. “Another thing, tell me the truth now. Is it going to be a problem for you knowing what Soldier and I feel for each other? I’m so sorry that you were... uh... freaked out earlier tonight. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable in any way in this house.”

  Soldier didn’t know what he’d do if Tommy answered the wrong way. He couldn’t hurt these kids in any way. They were Dillon’s life. But Dillon was becoming so very important to him.

  Tommy said, “Guys, I’m sorry I made you feel bad. I called Soldier a liar and he really wasn’t. It was all in my head.” Tommy’s face almost cracked a smile as he looked between the two men who cared so much for him. He did look sorry that he might have hurt them, and Soldier breathed a sigh of relief. “I kind of like it that you all like each other... like that. It doesn’t bother me. I know you all are grown up and can do anything you want to with each other.” He ducked his head now, “I’m not the boss of you all. You don’t have to ask me nothin’.”

  “Usually, that would be true and we wouldn’t even think of talking to a child about it, but you’re a special case. Because of your history, which is forever more just that, history, we care about your feelings about what we feel for each other.” Dillon looked right into Tommy’s eyes as he said this.

  Soldier figured that Tommy had seen and been through enough that he could handle knowing they were gay and wanted to be with each other. He was still a child, though, and his thoughts and fears were important.

  “I don’t think the others would even understand or care, but you do, and your well-being is very important to both of us,” Soldier said.

  “No problem, guys. I’ll even help you all. I can watch the little ones sometimes if you all want some time together to talk or... you know... kiss and stuff.”

  Soldier and Dillon looked at each other and tried not to laugh. The idea of asking Tommy to cover for them so they could go make out... so not going to happen.

  “You are an exceptional child, you know that? Thank you for the offer, but if we want to be together we’ll arrange it and not expect you to cover for us,” Soldier said seriously.

  Dillon added, “It says a lot about you that you‘d offer, though. It shows a very grown up understanding and a kindness that most kids your age would never be able to show. I want you to get some good rest and not worry about all this any more. Think you ought to go up to that new bed now? You need to get some sleep tonight,”

  Soldier piped up. “I’m taking the chair again tonight. I’ll see you in the morning. If you’re up in time, maybe you could help me make breakfast?”

  “How come you’re not gonna sleep in the big room with Dillon? It’s okay, you know.” God, Soldier thought, the kid sounded so grown up.

  Soldier admitted, “It would be great. And okay with you. But it’s not really a good thing to do when we’re taking care of a house full of boys. We won’t do anything that would cause us to lose you boys and that might just do it. Don’t you worry about us. You go on to bed now.” Soldier hoped the boy could sleep a little easier after sharing his horrible tale. Maybe some of the weight of it would be off his young shoulders now. But, as for Tommy’s suggestion, until they knew more about laws and rules governing this kind of home, they had to be extra careful.

  Tommy sat a moment as if he was thinking about something very hard. Clearly gathering his courage, he turned and put his arms up to Dillon and took the hug that Dillon offered to him. Soldier could see
what it meant to Dillon from the look on his face over Tommy’s shoulder. Dillon’s eyes were closed tight and a deep frown creased his forehead, indicating his troubled thoughts, but his lips were turned up in a small grin as Tommy accepted his hug.

  Tommy turned to Soldier and did the same thing. It meant more to Soldier than he could ever say. Between Tommy and Gom, he was going to be a basket case. If the other stories were like this, he didn’t know how he would ever make it.

  They watched him walk up the stairs -- that would be one of tomorrow’s projects -- and, when he disappeared into his room and shut the door, they looked at each other.

  “I don’t have words,” Dillon managed to get out.

  “There aren’t enough. That twelve-year-old boy is stronger and braver than I ever hope to be. We’ll be careful around him even though he says we don’t have to. I just can’t hurt him. I think we’re going to be awfully needy when we do get together, but it won’t be here.” Soldier was sure in his answer.